BitterSweet

Here on the Navajo Reservation, there are a lot of federally funded community schools for Native children (as opposed to state, which is what most schools in the nation are). These schools also offer a weekly home for students to live in the dorms, which is beneficial for many students who need to travel literally hours each day through routes that are often impassable during the winter. Dorm students go home to their families for weekends and holidays.

Shay came to us for the weekend only, and while she attended school during the week, it was being determined if she would need a foster home long-term or not. Of course I *loved* having her with us! But would I wish on a child that I love that she not be able to return to live with her family, whom she loves dearly and wants to be with? Would I wish for any child to have family conditions that would require them to live in a DFS-mandated foster home? Of course not!

So when I got news from her caseworker that Shay would be spending weekends with us regularly, I was simultaneously thrilled and sorrowful. Happy to have her and enjoy her, but sad for her at the same time. These conflicting feelings happen several times a day, every day, as a foster mom. I try to recognize both sides to the coin and emphasize the one that is the most beneficial to the child at the moment. For example, when I pick her up from the bus, that is the time for me to show my excitement and joy in having her with us. When she talks about her biological family, or says she misses someone, that is time to be empathetic to her suffering. (Side note: I try to never, ever, say negative things about the child’s bio family. That is their place and their right, but me, I am not a judge of their family. That's up to DFS. My role is to be a loving support of the child. They have always appreciated it, too.)

Shay fits into our family absolutely perfectly and gets along with all of us. She is also a huge help with the babies and chores, so we started her on an allowance while she's here. (I realize she might be honeymooning, but I will take it for however long it lasts!) Plus, after having so many littles, it was amazing when she had fingernails that needed cut - no pinning her down, distracting her, holding her finger tight while asking her to hold still...nope. She just said "Can I have something to cut my fingernails?," I handed her the clippers, she clipped them in to the trash, then returned them to me a few minutes later. So. Much. Easier. A friend once told me that little children are physically exhausting while big ones are emotionally exhausting. So an older-not-yet-preteen child is a wonderfully refreshing balance to me! (Don't get me wrong - I love my babies - but 2 is very physically exhausting. :-)

 I don’t know how many weekends we will get her, or if they will end up transferring her to be with relatives, so I really do just live in the moment and enjoy her whenever I can. I pray that we can all enjoy whatever we can - both the bitter and the sweet.