Pregnancy Update

“So, how are you doing?”

Whew! What a question!

How am I doing this minute? Today? This week? Or overall?

Obviously the first few change depending on the moment. For instance, today my mid back hurts no matter what position I’m in, and I have an icky cough that has caused a few unexpected contractions. But a few days ago I was feeling pretty good and had an unexpected burst of nesting energy that allowed me to clean extremely quickly and well. 

Overall, I feel very blessed and am extremely excited to have this child that we have wanted and been hoping for, for many years. We have no doubt that this child is a miracle much like his big brother, and our hearts are constantly thankful for him. 

More specifically, here is how each trimester has been:

First Trimester

If I had been able to see the future, this trimester would have been a lot better. However, since I had just had 5 miscarriages in a row, it was full of uncertainty, between trying to be hopeful and trying to keep my emotions guarded from another horrible heartbreak of another loss. At 10 weeks pregnant, after miraculously not having any bleeding or other threat/complication, I wrote in my journal “I don’t let myself think too much about this [good news] because a loss is always more difficult after too much hope…So, let’s just wait and see.”

If you can’t tell from that journal entry, I was extremely moody in general. The fertility specialist had me on 5 different medications, with the worst three being progesterone cream (made me emotionally less stable), prednisone (made me even less stable emotionally, and hungry while nauseous) and Lovenox. While all of them had negative side effects, the Lovenox was the absolute worst. It is a very strong blood thinner that I needed to inject into my abdomen each evening. It was painful going in and used to leave huge, deep bruises that took weeks to heal. I couldn’t inject it too close to my bellybutton, within an inch of a bruise or the previous injection site, on a stretch mark, near a vein, and I didn’t like to inject it where my skin or muscle was thick as it caused a higher level of bleeding/bruising. I remember sitting on the couch, crying, asking Lyle to help me find a spot that wouldn’t hurt so much or leave such a bruise. I scoured the internet looking for tips and trying to find ways to make it better. And I would sit there, moody and in pain, wondering if this was even going to be worth it, or if I would still loose the baby even after all the doctors’ visits, constant, constant lab work, and now all this expensive medication with the awful side effects. (My heart sincerely goes out to couples with failed attempts at IVF. I only have a glimpse of how hard it must be for you.)

I also had the AWFUL, typical first trimester symptoms related to nausea. My food aversions were random, and if I had to cook something, usually I wouldn’t be able to eat it by the time that it was ready. I still have garden goods that I canned that I can’t even smell without them making me sick, because I associate them with that first trimester yuckiness.

Thankfully, I kept doing Zumba, which helped my mood and stress relief more than anything in this trimester. I also was babysitting some wonderful children, which kept me busy enough to not constantly think about how icky I felt.

Looking back, it is very easy to say that it was more than worth it and that I would do it again in a heartbeat, but at the time I didn’t know if it would be. And that uncertainty made it more difficult to bear the difficulties. This miracle definitely had rough beginnings for me. Although they were undoubtedly worth it knowing what I know now!

Second Trimester

My OB calls this the Vacation, and I totally see why! Under the advice of the fertility spcialist, by week 18 I had completely ended my use of all those medicines with the terrible side effects. At 14 weeks 6 days, I was sitting in the Denver temple and could clearly feel the baby move. If I sat still and paid attention, I now had a daily check-in to know that he was growing and was well. My mood increased significantly, as did my energy and appetite. I felt like super woman! I could cook, clean, organize, play with the children, and was on top of most things. Baby was doing well, we were thrilled to find out we’re having another boy, and he and I were so, so healthy and vibrant! By the end baby was constantly moving and I even began showing. All aches and pains could be fixed by some light weight lifting and/or yoga. So lovely. So dream-like now, since I’m remembering and writing this in the third trimester. Hehe.

Third Trimester

Thankfully third trimester came on slow for me. I remember doing a workout video for third trimester around 26 weeks, and thinking that it moved so slow and was way under my ability! Now that I’m at 36 weeks, I can’t quite keep up with it. Funny how perspective changes. J

My overall feelings of the third trimester are that I tend to feel tired and slow. I never seem to sleep enough, high energy days are rare, and it takes me a lot longer to do simple tasks (such as changing my pants). I can still cook although indigestion is much more common, and simple illnesses such as a stomach bug or a cold tend to hit my body much harder. Although I’ve already maxed out on my weight gain (>30 lbs), many people think that my belly looks smaller, and in fact it is measuring smaller even though baby measures perfectly on ultrasound. My midwife explained that it means that baby is sitting more in my organs and other areas, which would make sense: I feel so big and uncomfortable because I’m being majorly pushed from the inside, too! I also have outgrown most of my maternity clothes and my favorite outfit each day tends to be “Whatever still fits!” My biggest shirts that I saved for now (thinking they’d be big enough as they were with D’s pregnancy) show about 1-2 inches of my belly. So most days are sweats and t-shirt days. Meh. Another reason I like living on the rez right now – no one really finds it worthwhile to focus on my fashion. ;-)

Until just recently, baby was in a transverse (side-laying) position which would mean an automatic c-section, so the midwife had me doing daily exercises (which I complimented with more from spinningbabies.com) but baby didn’t seem to be budging. At 34 weeks I had a big scare when I leaked some fluid and called the nurse, who agreed that it seemed like it could be amniotic fluid with meconium staining. I rushed into our local clinic, they brought me to the ER sector and hooked me up to the monitors. If my water indeed had broken, it would mean a plane flight to Flagstaff. If baby was still in transverse position, it would mean an emergency c-setcion. And the meconium staining would mean that baby had threatened complications, especially being so early. None of this was good!

So before going to the ER, Lyle gave me a blessing that helped me calm down significantly. He told me that our baby would be safe, that I would be okay, that none of the events of that evening would pose any danger to either of us, and that our overall health would be okay. I finally began to relax. He was old enough that he would recover quickly, a medical plane flight would wipe out our savings but thankfully we have them, and after what we’ve been through the past 3 years, a c-section is the least of our worries! Totally worth it to have a healthy baby in our family!

In the ER, I practiced my relaxation that I’ve been working on in my hypnobirthing practice, and when the ER doctor came to find me laying on the bed, calm and at peace, she exclaimed “She looks comfortable, like she wants to be here!” I was grateful to final be in control of my situation, and at such peace with all of the potential events. They monitored me, did tests, exams, lab work, and determined that my water was not broken (it was just a really weird liquid – I was happy to be wrong) and that baby and I were not close to labor and were in superb health. During this time, both a good friend and a neighbor dropped everything they were doing to come to our home to watch D., do the dishes, and whatever else was needed to help us. I cannot say how much their kindness warmed my heart. Angels.

On the positive side - My favorite part of pregnancy has always been feeling the baby move, and this boy is ACTIVE! And even though I am almost always tired, sore, and slow to recover from illnesses, these difficulties are so much more easily handled now that I know that the pregnancy won’t end in miscarriage. I have the hope that my first trimester lacked, and the constant reminder of and gratitude for our miracle that we get to meet very, very soon. My thoughts are more “Ow, my back hurts. I am so grateful to have this child.” “I just want to sleep! I am so thankful for this reason to be awake.” L. is also being a wonderful support with doing the dishes, backrubs, patience, etc. I cannot describe my gratitude to have such a loving husband.

In General

Especially after so many years of infertility that include 6 miscarriages, our hearts and joy are overflowing with gratitude for this marvelous blessing, and our hearts readily go out to those who are childless for reasons beyond their control. It could go without being said that all three of us are so excited. D. loves to feel the baby move and is thrilled at the thought of having him in our family forever. He will often ask me to move so that he can better hug his little brother. With our foster care preparation and certification, our home has been ready to receive a newborn at any moment for a year now, so really we are simply all trying to be patient while baby finishes getting ready to come meet us. We are more than ready to meet him. We love him already.